Were you a dream, the one that took away a better part of my sleep?
Or were you a nightmare, the one that callously tormented my peaceful nights.
Were you a soothing melody that played constantly in my mind?
Or were you a cacophony that I wanted to mute all so desperately?
Were you a soothing touch? A warm embrace?
Or were you a claustrophobic feeling, a smothering intimacy?
What were you my beloved ? A blessing in disguise or a curse in hiding?
This state of quandary, of persistent dilemma, rocks me to unconsciousness each day, each night.
It parches my tongue, it badgers my mind. It hounds me, it agonizes me.
I hope to let go of you completely someday. From my thoughts, my dreams, my fears and my desires.
I will burn up your images, I will light up your memories.
But first, let me figure you out.
There were certain people who were once an important part of life. You could not imagine your life without them. Things happened, times passed and situations changed. You’re a stranger to one another now. They know nothing about you now and neither do you. There are two ways to look at such a situation:
1. Be sad and bemoan everything. Think about the past, and live in it and make your life miserable; or
2. Accept that times have changed and acknowledge the fact that they are no longer required in your life.
It’s a glass half full, half empty situation. Everything is a matter of perspective. You are in charge of how anyone makes you feel. Not everyone you know or have known needs to stick with you throughout your lifetime. Be it past lovers, friends or relatives you cannot let them stay and hurt your psyche. You need to accept that they’re gone and they are never coming back.
Acceptance is the first step to end that constant cycle of self-loathing. You accept a certain situation and ultimately make yourself get used to it. When you accept something then you have slowly begun to let go of it. When you let go, you are no longer burdened by the images of your past, a past that will bring you nothing but sorrow.
It is a hard thing to do but it is not impossible. Live in the present and relish the company of those around you at the moment. They deserve your time and attention. Do not draw comparisons between now and then, every moment has its own beauty and uniqueness. Accepting the change and letting go is the key. Rest assured, man being a master of his own volition controls how any one or any thing makes him feel. So it’s your choice, you can either sob and make your life miserable or make it worth your while by being in charge of how you feel.
Yours truly and genuinely,
Ever been told you’re ugly? That you’ve got a hideous set of teeth. That you’re too short or you’re too fat or too skinny. That you must do something about your acne or get a surgery done altogether of your face? We’ve all been there, or maybe not all but not everyone is born with the perfect set of 32 sparkly whites or the stone carved perfect face. Those unfortunate ones get lectured from undeserving guys, blabbermouthed relatives, nosy neighbours or toxic frenemies about what we should do about our bodies. We’re constantly belittled and body-shamed just because we do not fit like a jigsaw puzzle into their sick perception of beauty. Their notions and self created beauty standards become their person bashing tool. Their so called ‘innocuous statements’ not so innocently end up scarring a person for life.
What we must understand that opinions of such people don’t matter. Never try to align yourself to their perceptions of beauty. You are beautiful in your own way never let them tell you otherwise. People have a habit of putting down those who fly the highest. Stay confident and be beautiful from inside and not just outwardly pretty. Physical beauty fades with time but inner beauty remains forever. Your good intentions and happy soul makes you beautiful and charming. So never let them dull your shine.
You are important. Your life means something.
Black waves of horror ebbed and flowed,
Feasting on the calm of my mind.
Like ghouls ravenous enough to devour my tranquil self.
Eyes, eyes burdened with waters of the river of doom.
My mighty self crashing to the ground,
Sinking into the swampy earth.
Sucked into my own oblivion,
Gasping for breath.
Trying to make my way back up.
Thousands of sinister limbs dragging me further down into the abyss.
Limbs of those who met their horrific ends.
They pull me away into the deep dark waters.
Life slowly exiting my body.
Numbness tardily making its way in.
“Are you alright?,” said a hand on my shoulder.
Rocking me back into my consciousness,
Again to the same cacophony, same perplexity.
That tumultuous state, that mental turmoil.
That incessant plight of an asphyxiated mind.
It’s like somebody in the dark, following me around like a shadow. It Strikes me hard when I’m by myself. Hits me when I’m at my weakest.
The reason for it?
There’s no one particular reason.
It gets triggered by almost anything.
And everytime it hits me, I have to remind myself not to slip into that coma like consciousness.
Where you’re talking to somebody and you don’t know where you are.
Or rather who you are.
On a cold winter night, it all dawned in.
Without knowing when, why and how, I realised that I had started to fall for you.
For suddenly, the way I looked at you changed.
Now those eyes told me a different story.
That voice sounded like music to my ears, soothing the depths of my soul.
That face seemed like the perfect muse to my poetry.
Never had I known what love felt like unless the whole world came crashing down on me.