It’s Time for You to Leave

You bothered me when I was awake.

You woke me up from my sleep.

I would spend my nights crying.

You made my body weak.

I knew I needed courage,

To fight the battle ahead.

You left me with no strength,

I lost that battle ahead.

They thought I was making excuses.

They never saw you with me.

You crippled me and hounded me.

Whenever you were with me.

I tried to escape several times.

I tried to run away.

Did not know how foolish I was,

You were faster than me anyway.

Every place I’d go, every city I’d travel to,

You were waiting for me in each place.

I told myself to go far away from you,

You clinged on my back like a snare.

But I guess it’s time for you to go now,

Time for you to leave.

I’m tougher than I was,

I’m stronger than you thought I would be.

There is the door let me point it out for you.

You were never needed here anyway.

 

This is a poem about depression. How it stays with you. How everyone fails to understand your battles. How everyone thinks you are making excuses for your failures. How despite every attempt you make, it goes futile. It is a problem which unless dealt with will keep on putting you down. It will torture you and tell you, you will fail even before you start. It will push you down, it will rip you to shreds. Every night you spend sobbing into your pillow, trying to mute your shrieks. Those helpless moments where you feel like you are dying. Where nothing feels alright. Imagine being put in a stressful situation with this kind of mind. Imagine being asked to perform your best, at a time when your insides are screaming for help. Stop everything. Take a moment our for yourself. No one will understand your battle. Nobody needs to. Only you can. As on one hand  your depression will not allow you to perform, and on the other every result will make you feel even more like a failure. It will worsen you. Therefore, you must heal yourself before you step into anything stressful. Take some time out. Take a deep breath and relax. 

 

 

 

 

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The Uncanny You

Were you a dream, the one that took away a better part of my sleep?

Or were you a nightmare, the one  that callously tormented my peaceful nights.

Were you a soothing melody that played constantly in my mind?

Or were you a cacophony that I wanted to mute all so desperately?

Were you a soothing touch? A warm embrace?

Or were you a claustrophobic feeling, a smothering intimacy?

What were you my beloved ? A blessing in disguise or a curse in hiding?

This state of quandary, of persistent dilemma, rocks me to unconsciousness each day, each night.

It parches my tongue, it badgers my mind. It hounds me, it agonizes me.

I hope to let go of you completely someday. From my thoughts, my dreams, my fears and my desires.

I will burn up your images, I will light up your memories.

But first, let me figure you out.

 

 

 

Accepting and Letting Go

There were certain people who were once an important part of life. You could not imagine your life without them. Things happened, times passed and situations changed. You’re a stranger to one another now. They know nothing about you now and neither do you. There are two ways to look at such a situation:

1. Be sad and bemoan everything. Think about the past, and live in it and make your life miserable; or

2. Accept that times have changed and acknowledge the fact that they are no longer required in your life.

It’s a glass half full, half empty situation. Everything is a matter of perspective. You are in charge of how anyone makes you feel. Not everyone you know or have known needs to stick with you throughout your lifetime. Be it past lovers, friends or relatives you cannot let them stay and hurt your psyche. You need to accept that they’re gone and they are never coming back.

Acceptance is the first step to end that constant cycle of self-loathing. You accept a certain situation and ultimately make yourself get used to it. When you accept something then you have slowly begun to let go of it. When you let go, you are no longer burdened by the images of your past, a past that will bring you nothing but sorrow.

It is a hard thing to do but it is not impossible. Live in the present and relish the company of those around you at the moment. They deserve your time and attention. Do not draw comparisons between now and then, every moment has its own beauty and uniqueness. Accepting the change and letting go is the key. Rest assured, man being a master of his own volition controls how any one or any thing makes him feel. So it’s your choice, you can either sob and make your life miserable or make it worth your while by being in charge of how you feel.

Yours truly and genuinely,

SANA.

OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE PRETTIER THAN THEY APPEAR!

Ever been told you’re ugly? That you’ve got a hideous set of teeth. That you’re too short or you’re too fat or too skinny. That you must do something about your acne or get a surgery done altogether of your face? We’ve all been there, or maybe not all but not everyone is born with the perfect set of 32 sparkly whites or the stone carved perfect face. Those unfortunate ones get lectured  from undeserving guys, blabbermouthed relatives, nosy neighbours or toxic frenemies about what we should do about our bodies. We’re constantly belittled and body-shamed just because we do not fit like a jigsaw puzzle into their sick perception of beauty. Their notions and self created beauty standards become their person bashing tool. Their so called ‘innocuous statements’ not so innocently end up scarring a person for life.

What we must understand that opinions of such people don’t matter. Never try to align yourself to their perceptions of beauty. You are beautiful in your own way  never let them tell you otherwise. People have a habit of putting down those who fly the highest. Stay confident and be beautiful from inside and not just outwardly pretty. Physical beauty fades with time but inner beauty remains forever. Your good intentions and happy soul makes you beautiful and charming. So never let them dull your shine.

Into the Deep Dark Waters

Black waves of horror ebbed and  flowed,

Feasting on the calm of my mind.

Like ghouls ravenous enough to devour my tranquil self.

Eyes, eyes burdened with waters of the river of doom.

My mighty self crashing to the ground,

Sinking into the swampy earth.

Sucked into my own oblivion,

Gasping for breath.

Trying to make my way back up.

Thousands of sinister limbs dragging me further down into the abyss.

Limbs of those who met their horrific ends.

They pull me away into the deep dark waters.

Life slowly exiting my body.

Numbness tardily making its way in.

“Are you alright?,” said a hand on my shoulder.

Rocking me back into my consciousness,

Again to the same cacophony, same perplexity.

That tumultuous state, that mental turmoil.

That incessant plight of an asphyxiated  mind.